She Was Never Mine - 5


 Dear Diary,
I was writing about him and he entered house! Thinking about him always brings a strange blush and smile on my face which is almost unexpected to be restrained or removed. Shifting to a new place and having tonnes of memories which can’t ever be forgotten. I even accidentally smile in front of anyone when his name comes up in conversation and that to why I don’t know! Oops that phrase “I don’t know!” is to be said when we are together in public and cant kiss each other. I am sleep deprived and yet am so damn tempted to draft every minute detail we have created together so pristine and carelessly! Nope there is nothing perfect in this story and yet everything is so damn perfect when we are together. Meeting him was fate I guess and I am forced to believe in destiny even. We met at the strange point in my life. When there was everything upside down along with my reverberating mind about my career. I am amazed at myself how come I even went to meet a boy who used to stare me sitting at canteen like he is going to eat me with his eyes. I complained a lot about him to Kalpit and Rashmi and yet somehow I ended being with him. I knew I didn’t need that stuff for town planning from him but his gaze changed with time and I was curious to know what is that he sees so damn passionately or eagerly. I do remember our locked gazes on canteen or whenever we crossed each other in college. Something that was beyond lust or attraction. And till date I haven’t got any answers of his straight from heart to straight towards heart gazes. He still locks eyes with me each time I am around him. His eyes convey something beyond explanations or words which can’t be deciphered. Standing in front of mirror I often think what do I have that only he sees in me? The first thing connected us was Rain I guess. Three hours we sat in rain discussing our lives when we met first time alone. Stars never rose that night and moon was too shy to be out of those silvery lined clouds. And it drizzled all night long on us! And his arrival has forced me again to be here and write and crave those tiny details. More later! I hope I continue writing forever like this. Inspirations always come and leave us unexpected and that’s the only thing I fear of losing him.
I Wish To Be Only His! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letters To My First Love!

Dear Love, I woke up again! I wish I were happy! Scratching that I WISH I WERE HAPPY WITH YOU! Each night I fall either asleep wishing I died or wake up safe and happy with you beside me but that never happens. It is a ritual now to cry to sleep waking up endless times to nightmares with increased intensity each night. The dark circles have deepened even more expressing my eyes are dying to see you once again. I long for you and though I can be the utter ruthless manipulative bitch when it comes down to self-restraint in expressing my feelings. I cannot help it I was been raised to suppress and live at each moment of my life. My wish of dying justifies I need a clean slate to write on! No person will ever have guts to accept me with my rebellious outrageous past tagging along. Even you were not that brave ever. You are the only one who got into a little depth in my demons. At this point, I am certain that either I want you to accept me as it is or to completely forget each...
Read more

Second Thoughts!

Refining the thoughts she had for first time, reviewing them, analyzing them, had always been hard for her. It was the most difficult thing which bothered her. She never mixed her heart and mind they had their own mutual understanding and she always chose her heart for first thoughts. But this time in his matter she was forced to think otherwise. Her second thoughts only conveyed a dead end. Being with him was something beyond magical; it was divine. The battle between her heart and mind has been going through endless nights. Each time she wrote him she felt she was being reasons of his pains and nightmares. Being in his life, piling up the more problems to his own ones. Guilty she was just even being present in his life. If it had been someone else, she might had ended even at that very second she started having second thoughts. But! This but has been harassing her from the very first day she met him. Those transparent barriers she surrounded herself have been invaded by him already....
Read more

Photographs!

She was astonished realizing how blissful they looked together. Her fingertips traced across the prints, and memories came alive. Their smiles reflected in each other’s. She wondered at facts how the moments can be captured in single click and keep reviving the veins with happiness forever whenever you look at them. How easily a photograph retain those twinkles in eyes, smiles never fading, never altering moments, disheveled perfections, sparkling colors, joys, pains, embarking start of an adventure, frozen times or end of a wonderful story. She opted for being behind the camera rather being in front but their photographs always tempted her to be in frames with him. She turned around the photograph and smiled at the caption she wrote, “And It Started!” Captioning each photograph with date and time was their favorite thing. She started going through the captions one after another. She finally picked up the ones he had captioned. “Her-Being in one-sided love is worthwhile!” “Intoxicatio...
Read more