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Letters To My First Love!

Dear Love, I woke up again! I wish I were happy! Scratching that I WISH I WERE HAPPY WITH YOU! Each night I fall either asleep wishing I died or wake up safe and happy with you beside me but that never happens. It is a ritual now to cry to sleep waking up endless times to nightmares with increased intensity each night. The dark circles have deepened even more expressing my eyes are dying to see you once again. I long for you and though I can be the utter ruthless manipulative bitch when it comes down to self-restraint in expressing my feelings. I cannot help it I was been raised to suppress and live at each moment of my life. My wish of dying justifies I need a clean slate to write on! No person will ever have guts to accept me with my rebellious outrageous past tagging along. Even you were not that brave ever. You are the only one who got into a little depth in my demons. At this point, I am certain that either I want you to accept me as it is or to completely forget each
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His heart is my Home!

I do remember the moment – exact precise moment when that perpetual bond established between us! The euphoria did hit me firmly that mingled my heartbeats with yours though we were miles away from each other. I never knew what is to burn in love with each other than smoldering alone. And you became that drizzling which drowned me in the ocean of feelings, the rays of sunshine which got caught up in my curls, the breeze which melted my icy exterior, and the constellation of stars which made my eyes sparkle.  Somewhere along the road, your footsteps followed mine and you promised to walk along my side forever though I never sought it. And for once in life, I wished for a destination which may pause my peripatetic heart for yours to call it home!
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One of the Memoirs

She kept swaying until his hand curled her waist from behind. She was high on him and vodka, a lethal concoction which was never off-list. His other hand interlaced her fingers making her drop the empty bottle breaking the silence of the moonlit night. The murmurs of “She will be loved” drowned in the chimes of wintery winds. They stood facing the white blooms of frangipani in the wooden ornate balcony illuminated with hazy glowed reflections. Silence prevailed until he decided to steal her from those blossoms and the moon for only himself. “I love those flowers as much as I love you.” She whispered near his heart. She fell asleep contented with his love, curling up in his arms which were the safest place for her in the world. Her eyelashes fluttered as the rays penetrated the canopy bed turned into the White Sea of frangipanis smoldering golden in the sunshine. The petals slithered over her as a coverlet. Woven in her hairs, brushing her lips, embracing her neck, tickling her wai
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Accused!

09-11-16 She felt like she was kneeling in front of the courtroom full of shadows accusing her as the heart breaker. No faces clear, they were just vague black shadows threatening her, asking for justice to be done. In midst of the crowd, she was all alone to face them. And all of sudden she heard a familiar rhythm of footsteps approaching as the silhouettes made way clear for him. She woke up the moment screaming when that outline of man tried to stab her. It was just another nightmare as she tried soothing herself; her throat had been parched while the beads of sweat glistened on her face even in that dark coldness of night. The harsh reality had struck her bluntly this time. Some unpaid debts unfurled as soon as she started scrutinizing that nightmare again. It was high time to take out her diaries from safe to evaluate more, truth stayed exposed in them from years. Page after page she continued reading realizing they deserved it. Those shadows deserved to be destructed by ven
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Harmony Of Heartbeats!

Her each step tinkled those anklets tied to her ankles, creating ecstasy to be lost in. Her eyes swayed in an approaching denunciation to stay connected to the real world. Her soul was bounded to her anklets in a way heart coupled with heartbeats. No one knew the reason why those pearly droplets never chimed again; because the melody she danced to was only his! End of his music era brought conclusion to her dance too. Often she used to get vanish into that magic which endured in his thriving movement of hands on chords, now all of sudden it was all gone. She never was able to retrieve herself from haziness of intoxicating world of trance he created for her. 
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She Was Never Mine! - 6

Dear Diary, Back here I am again. And then someone told me to describe him in words. People are always curious when a writer don’t define names, places, times, and straight forwardly puts out details which are feelings. And for me he can’t be described in words. Least I could try being only good at writing but I won’t because no writings could ever define or justify him. Someplace sometime we both were in same situations and we did what we had to except one difference that he was truly in love and I wasn’t.  That is the only prevalent dissimilarity of his which can’t ever be justified or can be acceptable by normal people. May be I like his company because he is not normal. The most striking part was his honesty which his eyes replicate. Is it too soon for me that I am thinking to write him a letter? I don’t want him to haunt with memories which are still bright in his heart. May be yes it is too soon to write him a letter but the worst part that dreads me is myself. I know I would s
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She Was Never Mine - 5

 Dear Diary, I was writing about him and he entered house! Thinking about him always brings a strange blush and smile on my face which is almost unexpected to be restrained or removed. Shifting to a new place and having tonnes of memories which can’t ever be forgotten. I even accidentally smile in front of anyone when his name comes up in conversation and that to why I don’t know! Oops that phrase “I don’t know!” is to be said when we are together in public and cant kiss each other. I am sleep deprived and yet am so damn tempted to draft every minute detail we have created together so pristine and carelessly! Nope there is nothing perfect in this story and yet everything is so damn perfect when we are together. Meeting him was fate I guess and I am forced to believe in destiny even. We met at the strange point in my life. When there was everything upside down along with my reverberating mind about my career. I am amazed at myself how come I even went to meet a boy who used to s
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